Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize