I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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