Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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