He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
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It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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