I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
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The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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