youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
