I hate your face
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
