Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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