bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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