I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Come see our sink grown plant.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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