Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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