You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
