forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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