I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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