My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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