Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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