dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can tuck mytits in my pants
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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