I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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