On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
