even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
