plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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