Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
