I'm laying in your front yard are you home
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
