i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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