Just fell off a train. Bad.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
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You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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