Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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