im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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