Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
