"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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