yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
