Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
