Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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