So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
