You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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