Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
