I think my fart just growled at me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
