well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.