i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.