So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's just like the Real World with babies
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."