You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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