So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
