just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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