@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
jump out the window naked night went bad
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
