I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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