I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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