im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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