Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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