just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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