Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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