I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
