If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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