so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
